these few words = "i'm sorry" is what i wanted to hear. with that three words, everything would be all right. is it really that hard to say sorry to a fren? or at least a good friend!? wad about a best friend?!

maybe its an issue with pride. i'm one of those who cant sorry too easily, cant trust too fast and easily jumps and attacks in a nanosecond. hell! i have a pride issue. but! i do know how to maintain it or try to lower it to a minimum as much as i can. i can bow down when i think i must do so and mutter a apology.

with good frens, its so much more easier. i'm not a person who dwells and lingers over petty problems. i'm more of a person who rather talk it over. reason it out. but whenever i do that, it just back fires.

i'm not giving up on that special person, yet i'm not giving in either. a simple apology is all i ask. i havent spoken to him for days. i know he's in the rough. so am i. he blew up that day on me, called me a freak. thanks alot. i've been the one to give in most of the time. now this once, i wanna know if he can do that for me. just ONCE.

i feel.... sad. damn sad.

i just lost my dog,Clyde. well, at least i know he's in a better place. i couldnt make it back home in time to see him. he died and the office construction worker sent it off to the vet(who will come with a bill).

i just feel so sad. i cried and cried. i just came home on my bike, expecting to see Clyde jumping around his cage like a flea, waiting to come and play. but the door was open. it was empty except for his bowl of water.my sis came out and broke the news. i just looked at her and laughed:" haahaa! you're kidding right?" and walked around the house calling Clyde's name. i began to panic and felt doubt creeping into my mind.

when i finally reach the front door once again. my sister told me again. and i believe her. i just felt that i've lost another part of me. another part of my life. just like losing a very good friend. losing a best fren hurts. losing two at such a short time width,hurts alot more.Think me mad but, i reli do love Clyde. he offered me what most people cant. security and unconditional love. he always makes me happy, sleeping beside me when i read, outside the house. walks on the beach is a funny sight, Clyde would run along the water and sumtimes slide. i even talk to him about my probs. haahaa. think me mad? yeah, i think so too.




i miss Clyde.

longing tranquility

i think i've dug myself a grave. i've flunked...three subjects. gosh...major dissappointment! i've done worse but thats not the point. i reli expected to do a lil better this first term. orite... i've flunked additional mathematics, bahasa melayu and moral. heehee!

i cant believe i got only 49% for moral! just one more point to the passing grade! argh! pure frustration! as for additional mathematics and BM, nothing much to say actually. it was soooo possible for me to flunk it anyway.

back to my biggest problem to date.... money. hahaha! i've thought long and hard about ways to save money. i'm the heaviest user of air-conditioning so i gotta use it sparingly. heehee! no kidding. i just enter the room and "beep", the air-con is on through the late afternoon till dawn. once, not too long ago, sumone accused me of being a spendthrift. well, that might change cuz! i have not gone on a shopping spree for two months! Y-A-Y! of course i've bought a thing or two those two months but i didnt spend much. hohoho! i've been quite 'rajin' or dilligent in cooking these days too! its definitely healthier and less costly than calling for pizza or McD's and curries. *rolls eyes and laughs* i enjoy cooking alot! but not the washing part afterwards. so there! the rest of the money schemes is to sell every book and paper in my room after SPM!!! *insert evil laugh here* its going to be gone! all gone!

it's been a frustrating and stressful five months. horrid. i've not reli been enjoying myself. heehee! not that i have to enjoy it now but i think i can think back and laugh at our hurried antics everyday to complete multiple assignments and projects. i'm always in a hurry in school. running up and down three flights of stairs to hand up assignments, ask questions, pick up books and alert the teachers of upcoming classes and events. hectic and sickening days...i've to tolerate the same thing for another six months. seems so long for it to be all over. but to reli think it over...it's not too long. i cant wait....

whispers in my head

i feel like an island. all this while i've felt secure because of my best fren. haahaa! the saying 'no man is an island'...well, this gurl is! its amazing how a few words can hurt so badly. i've never been accused to be someone who takes up too much of other people's time. i guess i cant help but be...me! my parents heavily emphasised on being someone who is honest and strong. basically, a person who can be trusted and always helping others. with just these two values, more are learnt on my own, through the experience and observation in life. some of the things have grown to be a norm in my life, like caring mainly for those who are close to heart.

why do i feel like an island? haahaa! there was an earthquake. and i've somehow drifted away from the mainland. easily imagined as Malaysia and S'pore.

i wasnt into a normal conversation that day. i was bloody depressed that evening due to some family and financial issues. i spoke to two of my gud friends,Wai n Sara,and they tried their best to cheer me up, still they failed miserably.then the msn alert window popped up at the side of the screen, indicating a bestfren of mine was online! i was doubtful on telling but i did anyway. a lil voice told me it's not right adding on the burden on others who have similiar problems, it'll only stress them out. i thot, yeah...o well, lets just exchange greetings only then. we did that. and it was unusually silent. and i felt reli panicky, thinking sumthing was amiss. i asked question:"why so silent?"

the earthquake hit me. the response was obviously not what i was expecting. it was quite a blow. the reply was :"....."

come on! use your imagination...you do have one right!? well yeah. that was that. i left him alone after that. he can use the space, i reckon.

u've had a bad day...Daniel Powter

exams over! ~hurray!
paper's all returned! S-H-Y-T!


my mood: dissappointed fer addmath, the rest of my subs are satisfactory.
my music: bring me to life-Evanescence

checked the horoscope and it CLEARLY said, i'm going to have a good month. Obviously, it's just crap isnt it!?

these few days were so monotonous~

the mornings are filled with studies and normal frustrations and stress.

the afternoons are spent a good hour of tv or the com, then another hour for a nap then its back to the books~

the night? still at the books. its either at my tuition teacher's house or my sanctuary.

*relationships is something thats still very amusing to me. the 'feeling' is there fer a month or two, but after that we're on our own. we have to do odd lil things to spice things up. when did the normal stuff like hanging out with him, lose the heady feeling? yeah... we said no strings attached. a lot like just frens with benefits. we felt satisfied for...two months? now, venturing into the third month and it seems like both of us are keeping ourselves on our toes with the ever constant incoming assignments while keeping this relationship afloat.

we used to just sit down, talk and drink for hours...at the beach or just at the mall. we were felt that was great. we still feel that it is. but it ain't enough. then we had our first argument which was rather ...silly. we alredi agreed that we're just frens with benefit therefore no strings attached. i still go out with male frens and he got angry. Geez...