[.light a candle please.]

be a sweetie and help others in need by lighting a candle. like what we learn in moral studies, children should grow up the best they can be.dont let them be tortured or worst, sexually abused. the aim is to light A MILLION candles by the 31st of December.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped......... after I started doing thesame thing to them at funerals.

.stop the violence.

omg! poor lil kiddo! i reli think that cybergames are getting way outta control. this is wad happen... not reli la.... i got it by word of mouth actually by friends.

teen goes to cyber cafe. plays Dota. play play play VS some other older teens. younger teen won and yells : " YEA! loser!!!!" then got dragged to the emergency staircase, and...poor thing, got beaten up. *sobz*

[.click here to see d video.]

i think those guys are plain idiots. honestly, they should grow up. five against a small boy like dat! geez man, what's wrong with the world today.....

it may have been nearly a month ago. but i finally feel comfy enuff to spill the beans... *sorry bennie boi*

yesterday, after skewl , i played the piano for quite a while and made me recall some memories.... some that i dun reli wanna to keep replaying it in my brain..but it did anyway. then i felt all teary and off i went in search of bennie. i was grumbling...."no such luck la, he's sure to be in tuition" . Lo and behold, he was there. but then...i didnt know how to tell him. i have emotion all bottled so tightly inside... i wanted to tell him. i tried. failed. tried one more time and burst into tears. i went off. and went to have dinner with my family members despite comments on my wet lashes. i came back and tried one more time. but he kept disconnecting and i think he kinda figured i was near explosion.

he called....my phone was on silent so he had to IM me to pick up my hp. i practically crawled to the living room....squeezed thru the front door and sat next to the koi pond and saw.......tea-ger. my ex-dog over at my neighbour's house using his paws to 'angpow' me. begging me over to pet him. sweet...

but i spoke to bennie. he made me realise...guys dun reli use their brains but rather their dicks. i cudnt agree more. i have experience now. i know tht statement is o-so-true. tee hee! not insulting the males. i'm just teasing. i will chill. i will take care. you must quit worrying, u worrying bunker hole. dun u dare forgot those sms'es! i'm holding yer to it! but tht only applies if u've got credit aite? i will not blame meself but i'll definitely blame bothsides now. haahaa! u take care~ i'm seventeen. so are u. i guess most seventeens have raging hormones. so typical. i'm still safe. still a V**G*N. :)

i've always been called impulsive. i know that too. though it happened nearly two months back, i cant stop regretting it. then only did i realise just how impulsive i can be. what i did is wrong but it seemed okay at that moment la. thats wad basically hacking my mind right now.

i wrote an eassay for my second trials entitled : beauty. out of all the choices, simple choices , i had to choose that one right? sighs... the essay probably steered towards aneroxic and the fashion industry. makes me worry alot about getting lower marks for the english paper. yea, i'm the queen of kiasu-ness in english examinations. i'm crowned and i seriously don wanna lose it anytime soon. tee hee.

about the first paragraph. when i reli think throughly, i cant seem to find a friend i can reli talk to face to face right now. yea... i have friends. plenty of them. i have gud friends. a handful. i have best friends. just a sprinkle. yet there are certain degrees of intimacy tht can be shared among best friends. still, the best friend i reli need is across the ocean. i guess we have sumthing that i've nvr had with my other best buds. i guess i do trust him. he proved alot. not that i dun trust the others. maybe in due time. just maybe.

i do blame myself for what happenned. maybe being a youth and an adult altogether stinks. i'll be online a whole lot less now....SPM looming ahead. arounf the riverbend. the corner. wadever.

went to tuition with my friends fer the afternoon class cuz i was sick of feeling sleepy at night classes. it was sooo much better. there, i feasted my eyes on a guy aka eyecandy. heehee! I may be in love with someone fer years... and i'm still waiting fer him. but i still believe in having real gurl fun. i do flirt and date guys but! always non-commitedly. unless i find another great guy to make me forget the current one. i'll thank him profusely! i'm no outrageous beauty but i'm glad i'm not hideous either~ hahah! i still have fun. :)

i reli think need to wake myself up from the silly idea that if i wait patiently and faithfully for him, he might do the notice and do the same for me. that's just a load of childish fantasy. i tried to think that way and suddenly, i feel like i began to hate him. so i just stopped. the feeling of not wanting to think the thoughts that arent pleasant. i've always thought love had a happy ending. and i don't want mine to be bad. who does? he had three girlfriends and often introduced them to me and i've been cool thus far. how long am i suppose to take? to keep smiling and talk like normal friends? i'm so close to giving up but just cant seem to take the last step of letting go and walking away. no, i dun pine and think of him endlessly. i love him in my heart but i do go on with life without thinking of him to distraction or destruction.

i look back in life and i feel tht i've misused and wasted my teen love life away. just before i was a teen, i've alredi fallen hard fer him. cuz i had him in mind, i pursued but when we dated, i chickened out. foreseeing sumthing i know i cudnt accept. so i stopped and began to learn how to accept people for who their reli are. somewhere down the learning curb, i tool a longer time than expected and i guess he went on. i was hurt but moved on. i got my fair share of guys and we still were gud buddies. i think i was just gud in covering up. he never suspected those feelings again. now, it's reaching the limit... i think its SPM stress causing this after seven years...

How old were you exactly when u started to rebel....
How old were you when you first….

Had your first real kiss- 12

Fell in love- kindy, i can proudly say i had a husband!

Lost someone close to you?- 14

Tried alcohol- 13

Got your heart broken?- 12

Got arrested- hahah! I hope nvr.

Smoked a cigarette- one suck and hated it.

Broken a bone- it just wont break.

Got cheated on- 17

Rode the bus- 15

Went to a concert- 14

Dyed your hair- 14

Got a car- 17

Got your own cell phone- 13

Got a myspace - notplanning to...

Snuck out of the house- 13

First time u got drunk?- 16

Andy Roddicks

okie....i was sick fer three days and two nights with fever. on Thursday morning, i was already feeling the headpounding migraine which left me dizzy and wads worse....during Addmath class, i ate two panadols, in vain hope that it'll fade away only to make me drowsy. and by.... one thirty in the afternoon, i walked home in a rather fast pace, STILL hoping it was probably bad blood circulation tht caused my migraine. i reached home and plopped in the library couch. i actually forgot to switch on the fan and air cond. Mandy came into the library hoping to find a chatbuddy, teased me about being the stingypoker and swatted me bum. no reaction. she laughed and poked me in the ribs then pinched my nose. " Oi~! u got fever ar?!"

o dere goes my promise to myself about "i will not skip skewl anymore!" campaign to achieve better SPM results.

fer the next two days, there i lay in my bed being 'tortured' - actually,in her words, pampered- by my sister. slapping on the wet towels and ice pack, forcing gallons of water in me and she only succeeded bribing me to eat a sandwich. the bribery was : - i'll have revenge pretty soon. hey! i was sick and tired of her constant bickering. i dint wanna fight no more. so i just nod and she just sat there waiting. i just wanted sleep! i dunwanna eat tht! i gobbled anyway and she smile triumphantly and left. yea, thts ALL i ate fer three days! hahahahhahaahah! n u noe Cottage bread are farting small! and the price is just plain stupid~ i dun understand y mom wants to buy and "try fer a while ma!"

i got better this morning at two am. i felt hyper. i look at Mandy, she looked exhausted. bleh. will kacau her another day, i started cleaning my room as i've neglected it fer three days. PLUS my grandfather is coming on Monday! HURRAH! i patiently cleaned my room, read a Cleo mag, and found a couple of shirts tht i assumed were lost under the pile of clothes on my cushion! FINALLY! eight o'clock came! i showered and jumped on my dad's bed like i wud a child. well, d'oh! i made sure where i landed right!? and i dun think the bed will collapse, its bloody solid oak. i might break instead. it sparked off a conversation i did not intend - studies. but dad made it very enjoyable though. but just over an hour......i just.....just had to! i had to .... " D... i'm reli starving la wei~".

i'll probably blog less from now on as....its actually a month away from SPM? dun panic ,Char..... breathe in n out , in n out~ omg!..... migraine?

take a gud look!

getta noe me a lil more in detail... one woman's eyecandy is another's barfbag.

turn on:
people with dogs . cyclist . water sports . business minded . almond eyes . humour . confidence . dancing . intelligence . goofiness . average body . social drinkers . facial hair, only if it looks like his --->

turn off:
body odour . baby talk . brainiacs . long hair . piercings . sweat . tan lines . tattoos . hunting . smokers . pot mouth . unfaithfulness .

PS: i'm not indicating tht Ben is my eyecandy orite!? NO OFFENCE TO BEN! you're a fantastically great best fren! hahahah! you are crazy if u thot that i was saying ben is my eyecandy! i was enjoying a moment to share my pretty candies fer ya'all! yer ungrateful peanuts.

'this is the first time u put up an original pic!'
'what?'
'painting?'
'yea, painting the wall for kerja amal'
'this one is reli cute la!'

then the conversation about anime and real life photoes, somehow it evolved into the subject: TEETH. we talked abt bad experiences with needles and reli ugly dental nurses. i had a reli major huge indian nurse and i started screaming n crying to get away once she tried to inject me with sum aneasthetic! ANYWAY~! back to the present... then i asked Yun, : 'does braces hurt?' 'no... its just tight.'

tht was pretty enuff fer me to back off. sighs...my parents had been pestering me to put on braces since form two but bleurgh! i dun wanna! 'how long did u wear it?' '2 years.' hmmmm! tht doesnt sound too bad. but i reli have this phobia for dentist clinics, dentist and...nurses. Yun then proceeded to scare me with tales of ppl having 4 - 6 of their teeth pulled out just to wear braces. 'if u ever decide to do it when u're older, it'll be even more painful.'

'i'm scared la....'
'find a hot dentist and i'm sure u'll get over this'
'oooo...gud one! *winkz*' i'm alredi considering braces. o gosh...wad have i put myself into....



eyecandy guycandy eyecandy guycandy eyecandy guycandy eyecandy guycandy eyecandy guycandy eyecandy guycandy eyecansy guycandy kaka,tom welling,shane west,jesse spencer

A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO bENJAMIN tEOH jUN kAI! UR oFFICIALLY sEVENTEEN!

josh holloway,ian somerhalder,tyron leiso....

i woke up at eight am, groggily took a shower, did the chores in utter silence as i'm not into talking in the early morning and then went into the office to check on the records of cashflow. it was probably two pm when i finally emerged from the growing piles of file and documents. i cleaned up my desk and locked up. amazingly, i felt drained of energy. i laughed at the thought of me when i'm even older. so far, my gasthritis and stomach have been fine.

so , i just plopped on the couch to watch telly when the winds started blowing really hard and rain soon fell....and there goes the Astro signals. i was at pinnacle of frustration. breathe in, out, in, out. okie... i went and feed the kois under an umbrella, praying for the lightning to strike me then i saw Tiramisu sitting between my squatted knees, looking at the fish eating. Misu kinda woke me up by telling me to take it easy and enjoy the view. and surprisingly, i did. who wud have known? learning life lessons from a puppy.

i had a rather interesting chat with Yun late last night till early this morning. its pretty great to finally meet eye to eye on a subject with someone who's in the exact same situation. it was about people's assumption : rich gurls. i've been called that all my life - jokingly, sarcastically or cynically. so has Yun. and we found out we both hated it and had the similiar retorts : Yun's -"i'm not rich, my parents are. and they worked really hard for it." Char's - "my parents are rich and they worked hard to be where they're at right now."

i admit, as a baby, i was pampered and grew up without the slightest of financial worries. my dad was a multi millionaire when i was 3, but i was not the spoilt as i was brought up in my dad's office with his staff, and was trained from there and them. i did my homework with my dad, and spent 95% with dad and the rest was with my family and friends. my mom was alredi fully occupied with my lil sister and i learnt fast that i wud nvr be mommy's lil gurl anymore..or ever will. then, the economic crisis hit my dad's numerous companies hard. but i didnt feel too bad, like i sed, i grew up hard and not pampered by money so i just found other ways to support myself and lighten my family's financial burden. my dad sold all the companies, assets and properties we had and left for KL. then, my dad started over. i lived my life rather independently and was proud that my dad noted it. he too was showing signs of success all over again. then in the middle of form two, my dad announced he was well established once more. he had two running companies, a car shop and got a house for us to move back. basically, my dad is the sole breadwinner of the family. thats wad i respect and love him for. maybe thats why i have nvr twitched at ppl calling me daddy's lil gurl than to rich gurl. dad is just the closest person in my heart... i love him lots for the sacrifices he has made and the love he gave me. i'm getting damn emotional here. haahaa! yea~ he's smart, fun, loving and rich. mentally and spiritually.

4 Sept 06
This week thus far has been piled on by stress. Nothing…nothing but STRESS. Not that I’m complaining about work…well, actually I am! We fired two secretaries and a head manager on Friday and now I’m left to work in the head office as secretary. But I thank God profusely fer giving me the chance to learn secretarial works last year. So my parents are pretty grateful too while they sort out their trust issues to employ another secretary. And my dad hinted it could be fer another few months. Omg! Has everyone forgot I have SPM!? Yes I do love business but without time to study after skewl, wad the heck?! There goes my spm results! Since it’s the beginning of the month, theres even more work! I keep typing out invoices, d/o’s, letters and statements. Oh gosh… I hate recording the cash flows and transactions. I feel like screaming! Anyway…my trials (1) results came back and actually, I’m pretty satisfied with it. I failed addmath(no surprise) , accounts (minor surprise), and history ( no biggie). I know I can do much better but I reli have lost the drive or enthusiasm to go on a studying spree like I had in form 3.


6 Sept 06
The end of the year luncheon has been turned into a dinner. Again! The skewl changed it once more! O drats! Just when I thought I bought the perfect luncheon dress! Now I have to change the plans with my hair dresser and continue my long forgotten dinner plans that included some gurl time with friends. grrrrrr....


8 Sept 06
I feel like yelling at someone.I’m just greatly annoyed when it comes to her. O yea, I reli do feel like going all cynical at her but o well, I thought the better of it. I reli shouldn’t be wasting my time on fantasies of ways to kill or torture her. But the brain and the heart doenst alwez have the same opinions.My heart demands to let it all out, screw consequences, scream out loud! My brain then thinks of the punishments from skewl, parent and God should I do such things. Sighz… she was a fren. But way too…. Unpolished. I’m sorry if I don’t seem to be in the place to criticize others. My opinion : she is a two faced, unloyal, pandai ‘cat hai’=suck up and annoying spoiltbrat. no life , if i migh add. she doesnt help out at home, she yells at her dad and all she does is study. i think that’s my MAJOR flaw in befriending others. I’m just too easily irritated and when she said out loud that I’m bad in my studies, I lost it. So what if you’re the top student? I dun give a damn if I suck! unlike you, at least I have frens whom are true. In your case,they befriend you for the benefits of you teaching them. Other than that ,we all find you irritating and stuck up as any other bitch. Sadly, because of my promise to hold my tongue until after SPM, she’ll nvr know tht. By then, she’s probably the last thing on my mind. Or I might find the time to blow up right after the last paper.that sounds pretty gud.

9 Sept 06
I feel tired. Currently doing my additional mathematics project and I’m quite confused. Am I suppose to provide two or three solutions!? Bleurgh! And then today, I feel rather…dreamy. Or fantastically dreamy. I kept dreaming about him. yea… all over again. Its been so long since I last thought of him. it’s like, finally remembering where u hid ur long forgotten diary. It was so warm and nice to recall sweet memories. Awww… I feel all mushy. Hehehe! I’m hooked on durian sweets now. I bought a whole packet of ‘em! And in skewl, everyone was asking, : “macam ada bau durian bah!” buakaka! Then I distributed the sweets to everyone and the class smelt pretty yummy. I looked at my calendar and there left approximately one month to SPM. I reli don’t noe how I wud survive. I’m not redi…not even 50%. Yikes…. My trials are horrid. I dun wanna fail three subjects in SPM! Who wudnt fail a few subjects if the passing mark is fifty , u imbeciles! In fact I dun wanna fail at all! Arghhhh! And wad was the comment my class teacher wrote on my report card?!

“Charlotte, your results are not comforting. So, spend more time to revise. Hurry up!, Spm is just around the corner.”

Don’t u think I want to!? He’s a great class and econ teacher but omg! He nags like my mother. He jokes and tells a million and one grandmother stories. Hahaha! And wad is wrong with the malls nowadays!? All they supply is Hong-Ki (LaLa) fashion?! All the fluff and lace mixed with exaggerated layers of fabric and fake gemstones. Wad do u want us, decent teens to look like!? Walking wedding cakes!? And the clothes are obscenely skimpy and the price is sky high. I saw a tube-like cotton top with a strip of lace on the hem which I thot was simple and nice, flipped the price tag and gave a gasp : RM 98 after discount. Wad on shopping-world is a kinda price like dat!? Heck, its not even branded, its cotton and the lace is not even a yard long! The cost of which the shopkeeper bought should be at most Rm30! Greedy pig. And then I was looking for some shoes, there was two which caught my eye. One was a white mary-jane shoe with sequins sewn on and the other was peach in colour with a sewn on flower mary-jane shoe. Sorry, I’m currently into Mary-Jane shoes. Flipped the price tag and laughed. The first was RM72 and the other was RM102. maybe its just me, or the prices are reli shot up sky high. O… and Ben? Your welcome.

hahaha! i remember ben saying this to me: "char, shoot me with your father's gun." or..sumthing

like dat. basically, just shoot him. then i declined and he replied : " nuke (nuclear) me." i didnt answer him but now... i'm thinking..." ben, shoot me. just shoot me."

i actually wrote a whole loong emo post but... i thought abt it and erased it fer the better of me. i read Ben's blog. and my heart is warmed. i guess i'm a lil unstable rite now. wobbly and woozy. i'm pretty amazed he remembered and thats reli rare among guys. they HARDLY remember anything on friendships, especially best-fren-frenships. so...THX BEN. u've been the ear i can reli babble to and seek advice whenever i need it. :)

and then there is Wai. i have yet to see or hear anything major negative abt him! the fella is a must-meet! hahahah! thanks fer being such a great fren! my lil sis thanks ya fer the encouragement and reward fer her UPSR! u da man!

Jia Wei? u crazy saucy naughty pretty gurl~! haaah! thanks fer all da special gurl talk that i cant possibly get from anyone else.and about the lets-survive-SPM-together (with macho grades!), yeah~ thts pretty encouraging~ hmmm~ hugz!

peace to u too, May. enough said. u know it alredi.

i'm tired. sick. frustrated. angry. sad. worried. stressed. irritated. annoyed. grouchy. argh! y this year? y now? y not next year or NEVER.

seeing RED

u know the feeling of ...unbridled or constant worry? maybe i'm wrecked with it right now. the sources of worry: 1. my dad 2. company business 3. spm studies.

so why am i online? i guess its cuz i'm one who cant let my worries spill to just about anyone.

its useless telling my mom as she is somebody who cant really be a comfort. she's a total opposite of comfort. she'll tell me in my face that she's wrecked with more worries than to listen to mine and then proceed off track on how hard it is to run the business. then go on nagging.

telling dad.... i just wouldnt. i wouldnt want to burden him even more with my worries. he's a total sweetie and will tell me to quit worrying and focus on my studies.yea, i know he's right. but i cant stop worrying over these matters.

telling my sister, Mandy? i just cant. i may be younger but i dont think any less mature, still, i wont tell her much. i usually tell wad i think shud be told though she may be older than me. as the younger daughter, i somehow got my dad's trust and favouritism. i openly say the word : favouritism as it is also widely accepted that i am his favourite. so, wth.

wad is wrong with people nowadays? we gave them a job when they came to us as close to begging fer it. we gave them salaries that are considered high and in return, they betray our trust, threaten us and make a mess of our accounts?! bloody hell, without a complete high skewl education, we gave him a job and after ten friggin years, he betrays us? thanks alot man... so much for talking and telling me all abt Buddhism. no offence to u Buddhists out there. its just tht...they made me think the worst of them alredi when i actually look at them as part of happy second family thingy, u noe? gosh....