i feel down now.... yea....like down in the gutters. haaahaa.

my trademark *according to most of my friends* : keeping a constant chatter and a light mood. i just keep crapping/talking with the company and laugh alot. in bad situations, i often try to lighten it as i am uncomfortable with tension sizzling.

i guess it is ALOT harder to do that online... maybe nearly impossible.

i'm growing used to it. i've given up on the four lettered word two years ago. it came back this year anyway, and once again, i crashed and burned. i came so close to telling the guy i've loved for so long three times! and each time, fate puts me down firmly. He tells me 'good news'. and i congratulate him. again and again. then i'm left with the second best choice which i half heartedly pick up. i guess i dun think : " i'd rather have all of him or none at all.". i'm more of a : " if i cant have him, i'll something close to him." at least i'm satisfied a bit fer a while than to go empty fer that period of time.

Now I can see things for what they really are, i guess i'm not that far... i'm at the point of no return.