sugar coated lil devil...

went to tuition with my friends fer the afternoon class cuz i was sick of feeling sleepy at night classes. it was sooo much better. there, i feasted my eyes on a guy aka eyecandy. heehee! I may be in love with someone fer years... and i'm still waiting fer him. but i still believe in having real gurl fun. i do flirt and date guys but! always non-commitedly. unless i find another great guy to make me forget the current one. i'll thank him profusely! i'm no outrageous beauty but i'm glad i'm not hideous either~ hahah! i still have fun. :)

i reli think need to wake myself up from the silly idea that if i wait patiently and faithfully for him, he might do the notice and do the same for me. that's just a load of childish fantasy. i tried to think that way and suddenly, i feel like i began to hate him. so i just stopped. the feeling of not wanting to think the thoughts that arent pleasant. i've always thought love had a happy ending. and i don't want mine to be bad. who does? he had three girlfriends and often introduced them to me and i've been cool thus far. how long am i suppose to take? to keep smiling and talk like normal friends? i'm so close to giving up but just cant seem to take the last step of letting go and walking away. no, i dun pine and think of him endlessly. i love him in my heart but i do go on with life without thinking of him to distraction or destruction.

i look back in life and i feel tht i've misused and wasted my teen love life away. just before i was a teen, i've alredi fallen hard fer him. cuz i had him in mind, i pursued but when we dated, i chickened out. foreseeing sumthing i know i cudnt accept. so i stopped and began to learn how to accept people for who their reli are. somewhere down the learning curb, i tool a longer time than expected and i guess he went on. i was hurt but moved on. i got my fair share of guys and we still were gud buddies. i think i was just gud in covering up. he never suspected those feelings again. now, it's reaching the limit... i think its SPM stress causing this after seven years...