the last four days are just completely filled to the brim with shopping, eating out and present wrapping! gosh! even getting ready christmas is becoming a chore! heheh! the house cleaning, present hunting and the worst of all? becoming quite deplete of cash! i'm never this broke unless it's christmas time! hahahah!
i think i've come to understand the feeling of insecurity most of my peers used to talk to me about. graduating from high school is the point where u've been thrown out of ur comfort zone and (for most of us) are encouraged to make their own decisions from now on. here i am, thinking of which college to further my education to please all sides of the family. and also myself.
i guess most people will tell me to not be bothered with the opinions of others. but my family is important and no, they're not 'the others'. though most of my family members are high flyers, i've come to a decision that i'll be a humble businesswoman. i just want to do both Marketing and Tourism. odd combo? i dunno~ i love both sectors. i grew up with my father in his diversified business company and most of the time, stayed in hotels. so yeah, i think this is what i appreciate most. i've worked in both... and i think its sumthing i wanna do for a living.
like i've said before, in my heart of hearts, i feel like studying psychology. but because my eldest sister is already studying it, i feel that i shudnt. those of u, who have competitive siblings, i guess u'll understand la. i cant really explain, but its as though there is an unwritten rule abt not doing the same stuff they are. garr... i'll leave it at tht.
i went to church today. well, d'oh! fer Christmas celebration la! hahah! then as i made my way up the stairs with my sisters and Sara, i saw him. i guess, the feeling i used to have for him was in some way, surpressed and gone. in 99 ways, i was glad to finally get over him after seven years. but i do still feel just 1 bit of love for him. i wanted to shake his hand but he hugged me, and wished each other Merry Christmas, stood there talking and yes, felt the others waiting fer me so i walked away. reluctantly. had a wonderful sermon la! the speaker was darn farnie! and the message he sent was clear. Worship rocked. and he tried to talk to me again but was pulled away. i think he got the message. but he still tried and i succumbed to the temptation, not giving a damn wad others thought. just a few minutes later,he had to go join the luncheon downstairs. damn. another hug was outta question so we shook hands and left the hall.
darn sad and emo, but had to put up a cheerie face fer the others. spoke to a fren about the love of our lives. how life turns topsy turvy. suddenly twists and turns, ups and downs, plus dead ends. and another fren, asked about how do we noe if he/she is THE one? i just sed wad i noe, i would pray and make sure the other loves me and has the same or more spiritual level than me. perhaps women are reli from Venus. hahah!
i think to myself,
can i stay firm to the ground?
or will i be tossed around?
safe or shattered?
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